Monday, January 24, 2011

Lil M... ahh Lil M, why could I not be more into Lil M

Lil M, what a sweetheart! Really, If there is one man that made me WANT a marriage again, it would have been him. Too bad the attraction just wasnt completely there. Don't get me wrong, I did not think he was ugly, he was good looking, just did not ignite that SPARK we so look for.
The first meeting, Oh the poor guy, I am surprised he didnt run, oh wait he is a man, it was probably more of a benefit in his opinion. So it was Electric Cowboy night. Free kisses were given away that night by me. STOP, get your mind out of the gutter, they were Hersheys! Shot time she says, OK... I want tequila, mmm with salt. Up to the bar we go, me and ma Cupid girl! Shots are placed in front of us and I couldnt resist I guess, lol, I licked the salt! Well we had to get the salt off. Dont ask me, we were already having beer and being goofy, and hey I like to kiss. So we kissed, yes people, I have kissed women, and I suggest sometime you try it! Unkowingly, across the bar sits my next romantic Interlude, Lil M. A couple minutes after the shot and kiss up comes Lil M to introduce himself. Ha, I had to laugh, he was the man across the bar watching as we took the shot and kissed. So, that night Ma Cupid girl left to go to a bar with another group of people, and I stayed and danced with Lil M. Dancing, kissing, ahh the euphoria of alcohol, music and dim lighting. As we were leaving the bar, he asked for my number, of course I gave it to him. He was sweet and a fun guy. Lil M was right before and in the middle of another "Learning experience". I always had the feeling that Lil M had NO clue what to do with a person like me. Hell, I don't even know what to do with a person like me. Our first date was at Old Chicagos. We sat and talked for about three or four hours. I can keep a first date going, I love learning about people. I am not sure if Lil M really ever got a fair chance, mixed in with him was Fooker and Phuk'r. Two men, who obviously could care less if I was on this planet still or not! It is amazing to think back and go, what am I thinking? Well it was never my brain doing the thinking, or chances are I would be with Lil M. It was very cute and what any woman in her right mind would lavish up. Obviously, we have established, I am NOT in my right mind! Such a gentleman Lil M was, and I am sure still is. He opened doors for me, held the small of my back guiding me in. You know the small touches a man adds to let you know he is happy to be with you. As we left he said he had to run to his car real quick. He had a boquet of flowers for me. How sweet! We kissed in the parking lot. I have mentioned I love to kiss, right? Kisses were never those Melting kisses, they were just Kisses! Here is my idiocy, after I left him, wouldn't you know it, I called Fooker. I needed my drug, I guess. Poor Lil M! I just could not get my heart into him. As it happened, and this is an important part in Lil M's story, Fooker and I got into an argument, now why you might ask is this important? Our argument was HUGE. A turning point for both of us. Well, after our fight, one day at work I received some flowers. Sweet and simple the card attached said something to the fact of I hope these brighten your day, as the thought of you brightens mine. - signed, _____. Well Fooker and Lil M have the smae name. My mind instantly went to Fooker, ahh he does care about me. I cried! Excitement trembled through me, just from the thought that he would send me flowers, ok and maybe that I would have a bed warmer again. No, it was not the first time Fooker would have sent me flowers so not "completely" stupid thinking on my part. It wasn't until I was telling Cupid Girl about this that she mentioned it could be Lil M. Whatttttttttttttttttttttttttttt, I had never thought of that, OH hell, now how do I figure this one out. I called the florist, no, no help there. I did detective work, location; well it was "near" some of Fookers hang outs, Cash was paid. Timing... All of these still did not prove that is was Fooker, and I needed to know. How would Lil M have my work address? Damn it, from Facebook! A little bit of research is all that took. Would a guy really go to all that trouble? No, but a man would! I had to find out, so I took it into my own hands. I called Lil M. Did you by chance send me something today. Yes! Ahh, the emotions that traveled through me then, wish I could say I was completely happy, but I was a bit sad that they were not from Fooker. IDIOTS among us, and sadly to say, I am the IDIOT. So, what is a girl to do? I had to repay the favor, I told Lil M I would cook dinner for him and we could "watch a movie" Yes, I used the Watch a movie a few times! We all know what that means. About a day before Lil M was to come over for dinner, I had to let him know that I was not interested in dating him exclusively. I wanted this to be out in the open, so that he was free to make his own choice knowing that whatever happened that night, did not change things. I had already told him, I was not sure I wanted to date him.  I said, "Do not give me your answer right away, think about it and let me know." In the end he decided to come over and have dinner and "a movie." He shows up at my door, I am pretty sure flowers in hand again. I made a wonderful steak dinner. We enjoyed some wine. When you discuss the movie you are going to watch, in the back of your mind you are both thinking, have I seen that one before, cause if I haven't, nope we are NOT watching that movie. I am fairly sure we picked a movie we both had seen before. We started to watch the movie, got a bit of the way in, then hmmm OK, enough of that movie. Playtime! Oh, I so love playtime.  Once again, I asked if he was sure! Ha, ok so of course a stimulated man is NOT thinking, he was sure! Off to the bedroom we go! I have always been one to enjoy company in my bed all night. I love waking up knowing a man is there for my pleasure still. Playtime was over, it was time for Lil M to go home and attend to his dogs. Kisses at the door, thanks, see ya! Oh boy, did I really mess this up. Hey, in my defense I was honest and it was HIS choice. I did not let him go into the "deal" with lies! Our last date was at Dave and Busters. I was not feeling too well, but more than that another boy had come into the picture. I am awful; I was texting with the other boy while we were on a date.  It was that weekend that Lil M and I had to be over, it wasn’t fair to him. I think it was Sunday and he texted me by the end of the text conversation I hurt him and felt awful this did not happen. He just thought that after I spent a night under his "spell" I would change my mind! NOPE! I was the same going in as I was coming out, sometimes, its just physical need. It almost always seems that one is more into the other. Why is this? When can it be mutual? Can it? There was a time when Lil M came to me to ask if he could be my FWB. I said I would think about it. I never took him up on the offer; I knew it would not be fair to him. Emotionally fair that is.  Lil M, to you I say, I hope you find or have found that special woman that adores you as much as you adore her. Thanks for the flowers, and the romance.